Is there anybody there? Life and Death

Well, my my, hasn't it been a tumultuous few months?

How the hell my grandma is still alive, is beyond me...
hip replacement, heart attack, brain damage, broken wrist, stroke - all in a couple of months. If she was in the UK, I'd say she might be trying to get some of that money she's paid in tax back through the NHS. But... we're in France, so healthcare costs a fortune and I'm pretty sure she's had more money in pensions compared to what she paid in during her working life....
LOGANS RUN LOGANS RUN LOGANS RUN. What an awful film... I can see the sensibilities.
Now, don't think I'm hideous, it's just hard work and she wouldn't be alive / at home if it wasn't for all the support she's had from the everyday visits at hospital to her constant care that she now needs at home. She's doin' all right.
My brother on the other hand... I REALLY effin (can I swear on this?) hate him, that selfish bastad can rot in hell.

Why the hell I didn't kill myself, well that's beyond me to.

I didn't, of course, probably because that would be admitting defeat, and I'm not quite ready for that. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not afraid to die - I just hope it's by my terms. I don't want to be an old old ancient wreck of a human, pissing in my nappies and not being able to wipe my arse on my own, but I'd be pretty pissed off if someone declared a nuts sort of nuclear war and I had to die like that. I've always (don't know why) envisioned myself dying or pretty much dying, in a horrific car crash, I haven't ruled out hanging myself either. Don't think I fancy shitting myself though, that kinda puts me off - I don't want my last few dying seconds to be obscured by the stench of my bowels opening and my insides dropping out, down my leg onto the floor beneath me.

Have you ever seen Where the Wind Blows? (it's a graphic novel too) I think that is the scariest thing you could ever show your children. That's the horror movie that haunts my child-hood memories.

Anyway, James May awaits...