Monkey-Monkey

Monkey-Monkey lived in a tree house above the Crystal Lagoon in the tropical jungle of Mount-Bumba. Monkey-Monkey was not the best behaved of monkeys and often found himself getting into big-baboon trouble and his ever-suffering mum was tired of hearing his ill-thought out excuses, which only served to prove that Monkey-Monkey was the most heinous of liars.

A couple of weeks ago, Monkey-Monkey painted all the ostriches pink whilst they had their heads stuck in the ground. When they pulled their heads into daylight, Monkey-Monkey told them they had turned into flamingoes. Now, you would have to be pretty intellectually challenged to believe such a statement, but where do you think the term 'bird-brain' originates?

“Monkey-Monkey, if you don't behave, the men will come and get you!” Monkey-Monkey's mum would say to him when he was up to mischief. This scared Monkey-Monkey a little bit because he had seen Gorilla's who had their hands cut off, but Monkey-Monkey always shrugged off his mothers transparent threats.

Last week, Monkey-Monkey's uncle came to visit. He was fat and balding and Monkey-Monkey thought he was a bit of an orang-utan at times. He sat in the tree branches drinking tea in a sloth-like manner while his idiotic offspring clung to him and imitated his every move in a way that the other monkeys considered 'cute' but Monkey-Monkey saw it for the revolting attention seeking behaviour that it was and took his chance at punching his little monkey cousins whenever nobody was looking. While Monkey-Monkey's uncle was visiting, Monkey-Monkey swung by to his Uncle's tree-house and located his hidden stash of fermented fruit. With a loud, excited shriek, Monkey-Monkey invited a few of his primate pals over and they feasted to the point of inebriation.

When Monkey-Monkey got home he was quite sick. Monkey-Monkey told his mum that an elephant had encouraged him to do it, saying that if he ate all the fermented fruit then he would become just like a human and that would mean that 'the men' would never be able to come and get him.

“Monkey-Monkey, you should have been born a cheetah!” Monkey-Monkey's mum would shout when she was at her wits end. Monkey-Monkey sometimes wished he had been born a cheetah and thinks his mother's narrow-minded bigotry in stereotyping a whole race of animal was nothing short of out-of-date racism that would get him into much more trouble than his usual cheeky antics, (or even physical violence, for that matter) should he repeat it at school.

One morning, Monkey-Monkey heard a horrible noise, unlike any animal noise he had heard EVER before. 'Bang-Bang-Bang' went the awful noise.

“Thud-a-Thud”

“Crack-Crack-Crack”

“What could this racket be?” Thought Monkey-Monkey.

“Monkey-Monkey? What is all that noise? What are you up to?” Monkey-Monkey's mother was as red as a baboon's behind.

“It wasn't me!” Monkey-Monkey retorted. “I don't know where the noise is coming from!”

“You've been upsetting our neighbours again, haven't you?” Monkey-Monkey's mum put her hands on her hips, she was fuming!

“No.... I've been asleep!” Monkey-Monkey protested.

“I'm fed up of your lies Monkey-Monkey!” She said. Monkey-Monkey knew from her face that she was about to go ape.

Then came the shouting, “Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim-ber!” followed by a huge crash.

Monkey-Monkey and his mother rushed to the window, suddenly they were very afraid.

The men were coming.