pass the bucket!

Here is the revolting poem I had to read for my brother's wedding! Very sickly!
I couldn't stress enough that I hadn't chosen it!

On Your Wedding Day

Today is a day you will remember
The greatest in anyone’s life.
You’ll start off the day just two people in love
And end it as husband and wife.
It’s a brand new beginning, the start of a journey
With moments to cherish and treasure
And although there’ll be times when you both disagree
These surely will be outweighed by pleasure.
You’ll have heard many words of advice in the past
When the secrets of marriage were spoken
But you know that the answers lie hidden inside
Where the bond of true love lies unbroken.
So live happy forever as lovers and friends
It’s the dawn of a new life for you
As you stand there together with love in your eyes
For the moment you whisper ‘I do‘.
And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can
Be real.
May success find its way to your hearts.
Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys,
But today is the day it all starts.

Anon

Albert Picked His Nose

Page 1.

Slap-bang amidst the hubbub of the city is the giant block of flats where eleven year old Albert lives with his Dad. There is a communal garden in the courtyard on the ground floor and every flat has a two by one metre balcony – just big enough for a window box and a few pots. Albert lives on the fourth floor and IS NOT, under any circumstances, allowed to play in the courtyard – even if Teri and Michael are down there and especially not if the Gordon's brothers are playing football.

“But I like football!” Albert would protest, “And they said they don't mind me playing.” but Albert's Dad would point out that Ady, the oldest Gordon's brother is sixteen and is no doubt up to mischief and then he would finish his argument by indicating to the faded green and yellow sign in the courtyard:

“The sign says, 'No Ball Games Allowed.” Albert would wave a miserable farewell to his friends and stomp up the snaking concrete steps, running his fingers across the dirty, flaking paint of the metal hand rails.

Albert was thinking how horrible his dad was as he reached his floor, and then panicked, in case there was anybody about who was able to read his thoughts.

“Come on Bert!” His Dad stood in the open doorway, jangling the keys. “Cheer up, mate! If you finish your homework early enough, I'll take you to the park.”

Albert's stomach did a somersault. He had completely forgotten about the homework task his grouchy teacher, Mr. Rocksted had set him. If only he had his old simpering teacher, Miss. Housely, from last year – he wouldn't have even bothered doing it. Miss Housely would listen to Albert's wild excuses on not having done his homework and would let him off with a pseudo stern word – usually something like, 'This is very bad of you Albert, you really must do today's worksheet or I will have to talk to your parents.' But she never did, and Albert never did the work.

Albert sighed, knowing he'd never finish his homework before it got dark and his head dropped to watch his feet as he trudged into the house, the delighted whoops of one of the Gordon brothers scoring a distant goal echoing round the stairwell. The front door shut behind him and the want of being outside instead of unjustly caged in on a sunny afternoon pounded in his ears louder than the quiet of the flat.

Albert couldn't help thinking how unfair it was as he trudged straight to his room and threw down his battered rucksack, knocking over the waste-paper bin in the process. He slumped down at his desk by the window and pressed his forehead against the glass. Teri and Michael had joined the Gordon's brothers in the football game now, Teri was still in her school uniform and was using her pink bag as one of the goal posts. The youngest brother, Jake, was in goal, he was only eight and he was always allowed out to play – sometimes until nine o'clock. Albert noticed he had breathed a vapour mist across the window and he drew a vampire bat in it, if he shut one eye and squinted, the bat had Jake's head in its mouth.

Albert stared out of the window, watching the football, but not really looking – just staring in the direction of the game. He brushed at his nose, he sniffed once or twice and then rubbed it again. Before long, his index finger had worked its way up his nostril and was picking out at the stubborn lumps of crusting snot that were blocking his nasal passage.

“Stop picking your nose and do your homework!” Albert hadn't noticed his dad come into the room. He yanked his finger out of his nose and gingerly scratched at it instead.

“I'm hungry...” Albert replied automatically.

“You won't get full-up on boogies.” His dad sighed, “wash your hands and I'll make you a snack.” Albert's dad left and the door swung shut behind him. In the courtyard below a car alarm started going off. There were shrieks of excitement as Teri, Michael and the Gordon's brothers snatched up their bags and dispersed. Teri followed Ady into the bushes and the other two Gordon's brothers clambered over the wall into the pub car park, with Michael in hot pursuit. Albert wiped his hands on his school trousers and with a final gaze outside, left his room for the kitchen.

back to business

Well, I'd say I have had a bit of a mental few weeks, but here I am, back to the grind.
My brother got married (yeuch), but it all went off very smoothly and no fights were had, possibly because my brother didn't really invite anyone from our side of the family, that made for amusing pictures. I did a reading from some anonymous poetry book, my grandma had chosen it to be read for them and asked me to do it (muggins me said yes) but, me, being me, didn't read it until a day before the wedding - and then I nearly vommed! I tell ye, it was so repulsive, icky lovey dovey squelch squelch, blubber blubber, I really did want to vomit 'pass the bucket' echoed round my head a good few times. Nevertheless, I got up and read this with some gusto infront of a crowd of their nearest and dearest and then was told what a lovely poem it was by a great deal of them. 'LOVELY POEM'? I thought, did you listen to the freakin' words? What a load of vom!
I guess I'm just a great actor, I'll dress a turd up as a prince and people will kiss it! Ok, maybe not, but still, eeek.

Now I'm back to work& back to business! Still doing specialist certificates (mini-courses) to complement my TEFL qualification and I've decided I need to find time to write more. I wrote 600 words today and once I've had a re-read, I may even let you have a laugh at my abymal dribblings!